Life After Life

Where did one begin when they were dead? Life had certainly not been easy, but then neither was death. In fact the afterlife seemed to have just as many rules. stipulations, and restrictions as living ohad. Damn it ! And here Terra thought that for once she had finally found a way to find peace. Not yet again it was something far from within her reach.

There wasn't a moment, a second that didn't go by where Terra wished she had done things differently. That she had actually thought things out for once instead of acting on impulse. And just where had that impulse gotten her? Fucking, nowhere except in limbo. It was a place neither here nor there. She wasn't dead and yet her family and friends couldn't see her, feel her, or hear her screams of frustration as well as downright curses because of it. She could reach out and yet no touch could be felt. That was the hardest thing of all for Terra, especially where Nathanial was concerned.

There had been no one there when she'd gone to cross over. There had been no guiding light at the end of the tunnel. There was no

devil to torment her, maybe that was what Hell was really all about? Existing without existing....She hadn't witnessed what many called the flashing of her life before her eyes. There had been no one to hand down any kind of judgement. There had been no pearly gates to walk through.

Time held no meaning for Terra. The minutes and hours didn't slowly tick by or run by so fast she could barely remember where they'd gotten off to. No, Terra was nowhere and yet she could go anywhere and everywhere she wanted without being denied. And yet there was no pleasure in it. There was absolutely no one to talk to. She was lost in a world of silence that vibrated in eternal quietness.

The sun still continued to rise and shine. The moon still showed her beauty in a sea of darkness that hovered over the land. She would have clawed her eyes out if possible, but she could no longer inflict pain upon herself. And yet her body bore the marks of the blade that had once caressed her slender form. Oh how she missed those times. The times when she could forget everyone and everything as the blood flowed freely from her flesh and bones.

Even at a young age Terra knew she was a freak. Things that normally made other girls scream or squirm made her body heat rise. It made her insides tingle with wanton anticipation for more. She enjoyed being wild and untamed. It was what had set her free, separated her from the crowd of sheep that constantly surrounded her every waking moment. They had no idea the heights of such it could take one to.

Oh how she longed for those moments again. The rush running through her veins. How she wished that just once more she could surrender to the depths of her soul in that forbidden ecstasy. How she wished she'd been able to experience that euphoria with Nathanial, but it was something never meant to be. He was as straight laced as she was wild. And yet their love had grown just not enough to save her from herself.

Oh to live once more. What she wouldn't give or do for such an opportunity. Yet deep in her soul Terra knew what no one had ever come back from the dead.

The reaper would never allow anyone to escape from the underworld. Only she wasn't in the underworld and she had yet to see any place that could resemble a heaven. She let go of a heavy sigh, closed her eyes trying to gather her runaway thoughts from spewing forth even more. Wetness covered her cheeks. She couldn't feel her tears only knew they existed at times such as this. She was in mourning for herself.

Everyone was so full of shit. They spent needless effort, time arguing and believing that their beliefs were the only one true way. She had been raised to believe lies. Lies that meant only to serve the ones still living. No, there was no such thing as a valid religion. Hell, there wasn't even a God or a devil to be seen let alone had.

So if there was no God or Devil then how was one to move on? How in the hell did she get herself out of limbo? Was punishment just a ridiculous theory of one's own making? Did she create her own hell? She had never truly been able to believe in anything and now she feared she would forever remain nothing. Terra had no answers to questions that plagued her soul.

In the distance she heard very faint whispers. She recognized the voice of her grandmother.

"Sometimes you just need to believe without seeing or understanding."

But was it really that simple she wondered.